and!

Also this:

(317): I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
(317): And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt

Genius

I just found the most amazing website ever. It's called texts from last night and it is hilarious.

People can go on and post funny texts from the previous night or whatever. The number at the front is the area code of the sender, I'm desperately seeking a 509 or 360.

Here is just a little sample:

(859): I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
(973): Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
(859): Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?

and a little local flavor:
(206): Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.

Could be a borderline new obsession.

Baby Mama

I may be pregnant.

OK, no I might not actually be pregnant, but let's review all the obvious signs that I am displaying:

1. I threw up yesterday for pretty much no reason. Just out of the blue I threw up. That's gross.
2. I can't shove enough Spanish olives in my mouth. I hate olives and all I freaking want to eat right now is Spanish olives.
3. I can't stop re-arranging and sprucing my apartment. I bought a reed diffuser yesterday. A REED DIFFUSER! Hello nesting, by name is Diana ... mother-to-be.
4. OK that's actually it.

So, start brainstorming baby names kids ...

God I forgot about this

About say three years ago, this was one of my favorite videos. Ahh the summer of '06 at the PKO:

Totally practical

For all your lazy assed dogs:


It's called a "Bottoms up Rear-End Support Leash," clearly every dog owner needs one!
Only $39.99

Desperate

Wow. Only in a town with "beach" in the name:

HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. - Police are seeking a woman they said used a false identity to get breast implants and liposuction, then skipped town.

Huntington Beach police said Monday that a 30-year-old woman opened a line of credit in someone else's name in September and had the procedures worth more than $12,000 performed at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery.

Employees said she never returned for follow-up visits.

I can't imagine wanting plastic surgery so badly. This coming less than two hours after I bought a bunch of make-up ... hmmm. I did however use my own id, and my own money!

Tofu

So, I don't eat meat. I very very rarely eat meat substitute because I think he texture is gross (like meat) and it tastes gross (like meat). So I was flipping through my biggest loser cookbook the other day and trying to figure out how to make them meatless and I stumbled upon tofu teriyaki. A challenge. Now, I also don't really eat tofu because honestly I don't understand what it is. That aside, I decided to make it today for dinner. Tofu, some sort of stir fry mix from Trader Joe's, orange peppers, onions, garlic, ginger, on a nice bed of brown rice. DELICIOUS. Needless to say it turned out three shades of amazing and was very colorful and tasty. I about quadrupled the recipe with the amount of veggies I put in though so I'll be eating that for a week ... oh well.

This is not what mine looked like. Mine was way better. This however is what the picture was in the cookbook. Either way.